How do you deal with the other parent outdoing you on Bdays Xmas etc?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Nov 19, 2022 12:26 pm

Calling all Coparents!.

It's become very obvious over the almost 3 years we split.

Cheyenne-lee · Post by **Cheyenne-lee** » Sat Nov 19, 2022 12:26 pm

It's not about you? Sorry if it sounds harsh but aslong as the kiddo is happy that's all that matters right. You keep doing you your baby will love you REGARDLESS. xxx

Kimberley · Post by **Kimberley** » Sat Nov 19, 2022 12:27 pm

I don't get this. Surely its not a competition I would just be happy that the other parent actually bothers and buys them presents. Some kids don't get anything from the other parent and it's heart breaking trust me

Vicki · Post by **Vicki** » Sat Nov 19, 2022 12:27 pm

Why should it matter? As long as the child is feeling loved. The other parent is entitled to spend as little/much as they want on their child- just as you are.

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Sat Nov 19, 2022 12:27 pm

Let them, saves u buying all the big and expensive gifts. My parents did this and we always new. We also understood how crappy it made my mum feel till she started playing the game. Mum gave us all SHE could and that to us was everything x

Katie · Post by **Katie** » Sat Nov 19, 2022 12:27 pm

Mine does it but I can't and he knows it, so I just sit happy in the knowledge my little girl has what she wants and needs. Her dad throws money at her and she said to me it's because he wants her to love him more than me. she's 8!

Cathy · Post by **Cathy** » Sat Nov 19, 2022 12:28 pm

I don't, usually I spent the most. But still it's between £50-100. We don't go overboard. The focus is on making memories not collecting material stuff. My kids ask us both for different things anyway. We compromise on plans for Christmas like this year I'm doing Christmas day on boxing day as we have my fiancés children too. I'm not a massive fan of Christmas, and I spread out the celebrations over the week.

Emma · Post by **Emma** » Sat Nov 19, 2022 12:28 pm

Children will remember who was there, what you did with them, time spent, not gifts! My childhood memories of Christmas is the smell of turkey as we wake up christmas morning, the games we played, the food and the people round the table and tree! Can probably remember a handful of gifts brought for me! Dont stress about it x

Amy · Post by **Amy** » Sat Nov 19, 2022 12:28 pm

I don’t care in the slightest I just see it as at least he gets everything he wants

my son knows we have more children and more things to pay out for and his dad just has him so it’s fine

try not to see it as being outdone and think of it as they are getting what they want regardless of wether you buy it or someone else etc if that makes sense . These occasions are all about time spent together not what material things are bought anyway xxx

Kayla · Post by **Kayla** » Sat Nov 19, 2022 12:28 pm

Just let them crack on with it, you can not buy a child’s love, they’ll appreciate any of the presents but mostly your presence, your time, your attention & your love, you just buy what you can afford and under no circumstances do you put yourself into debt to have that competition with someone who clearly has no idea how to earn a child’s love the proper way

Sarah-Jayne · Post by **Sarah-Jayne** » Sat Nov 19, 2022 12:28 pm

Just Don’t let it bother you. Carry on doing what you do and just be happy you child is getting spoilt! My daughters dad continuously buys her love but I’m the one that’s always there for her, not him! which she will remember one day! I actually send him the more expensive gift ideas so saves me bankrupting myself

Cheryl · Post by **Cheryl** » Sat Nov 19, 2022 12:29 pm

I focus on what I know they REALLY want, i.e having a 'Christmas Bath' with bath bombs and flashy lights and Christmas music

their favourite snacks bits, favourite things on telly, hot chocolates and a bit of quiet time while we play with their toys. That's the stuff they love which has nothing to do with money. But- maybe, like me, working on your own perspective; where these insecurities come from, all the ways they arent true and the positive side (your kids get the best of both worlds) is helpful too before the big day. It ain't easy but it's only one day babe, we get to love them all year long xxx

Amber · Post by **Amber** » Sat Nov 19, 2022 12:29 pm

As a child who came from a split home….
My dad (who was my primary parent) always brought me more gifts and more expensive gifts compared to my mum because he could afford to do so.
Now I’m an adult, I honestly cannot remember half the stuff either of them brought me. It didn’t make me love one more than the other

I can imagine it’s tough on you but so long as your child/children know you love them, that really is all that will ever matter

Please don’t be hard on yourself xx

Rosa · Post by **Rosa** » Sat Nov 19, 2022 12:29 pm

I delight in the fact that the other parent can afford a play station 5, the expensive Lego sets etc.

I explain to my son my income is half as big as I work part time so I can do more school pick ups and be together more (in a non judgemental way to his father working full time)

My son (9) therefore doesn’t ask me for expensive things and does ask his father.

He loves both his parents and thinks it’s cool that dad can sometimes buy expensive things but equally seems to love how I make Christmas and birthdays special by decorating the house, baking etc

Melissa · Post by **Melissa** » Sat Nov 19, 2022 12:30 pm

I'd tell them i was getting my kid the latest toys so the other parent gets better and sip my tea knowing my kids have the best and I didn't have to shell out for it.

Roxy · Post by **Roxy** » Sat Nov 19, 2022 12:30 pm

Depends on what you mean by outdoing. My ex always buys more gifts and junk. The gifts he gets are crap though generally. He always trys to do the big gestures. However, I'm the one who arranges the fun stuff with his friends and family, makes the memories, actually listens to what he wants and trys my best to facilitate that. It might feel like he's outdoing you because he spends more money, but he's probably not in the things that really matter

Angelique · Post by **Angelique** » Sat Nov 19, 2022 12:30 pm

I don’t understand this, it’s not a competition. Your child is benefitting from nice gifts. As long the other parent is PRESENT in your child’s life and is a good dad, what’s the issue. Sounds like you’re putting your ego before your kids happiness

Caroline · Post by **Caroline** » Sat Nov 19, 2022 12:30 pm

Let them wire in, you are the one who pays day in day out I’m presuming and may not have as much disposable income due to putting food on the table electric over their heads…. Presence over presents nothing can substitute the love and time a mum gives let them try compete and u sit back and let them x

Beth · Post by **Beth** » Sat Nov 19, 2022 12:31 pm

If it's a money thing then what I would do is get your child experiences. Days out vouchers, you don't have to pay for them as you can just make them yourself and pay as and when you book the days out. your child will love that their present lasts all year round.

But honestly, children may love the expensive presents in the moment but as they grow they see things differently and they'll start to see that they're getting these things because it's a competition and not out of love. Xx

Shinese-Carvell · Post by **Shinese-Carvell** » Sat Nov 19, 2022 12:31 pm

I don't care

Buy her the world and more. I'm happy my daughter gets everything she wants from daddy

Honestly people worry too much kids aren't as stupid as we think they are. They like toys and gadgets but when she's upset or sick she still calls for me and that's the most important part