Criticisms please

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Post by Guest »

Ok new attempt... would you read this book?

Criticisms please.

Thank you in advance.

We are the Balutu-sharur, we have been among you for tens of thousands of years, we are a disease on humankind.

We are the terror that plagues your minds,  we are the bump in the night,

we are the shadow that stalks,

through that empty street, we are the liche, feeding upon the blood and flesh,

of the desperate and the weak.

We hide among you, waiting, watching, anticipating. The hunger driving our hands to tear, rip and devour but we are the same, you and I.

Our body's are stronger, our minds sharper our bones are tougher but we are human.

Our body's riddled with the disease of death, our minds fractured, irreparable, our psychosis our dominant trait.

I've been imprisoned for century's and I'm ready to leave,  my captors have just handed me the keys to my cell, and I'm hungry...

You look so tasty, so succulent, can I eat you...

A tale of terror, desperation and depravity, of myths come true.  A young woman on the verge of death at the hands of human garbage, her life hanging by a thread. Reborn into an existence far more terrifying than she could ever have imagined.  An existence filled with an insatiable hunger and an overwhelming desire for revenge.

Post by Saskia »

Sounds intriguing, but it's a bit long. I'd say get rid of the second and third paragraph and be more specific about the woman protagonist.

Post by Lisa »

Who is the story about? The girl mentioned in the last paragraph, the beings that are the “we” in the first or the mysterious “I” in the middle.
It seems that the real meat and potatoes of your blurb is in the very last paragraph. I’d recommend expanding on that and losing the “we” and “our” stuff in the beginning.

Post by Ivonne »

It's interesting but drags on too long in the beginning. I would say... once the reader gets the gist of it.... move on to the next point...
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