How do you find the best way to keep pushing through?

[Guest]

Hello everyone. New to the group. Hoping to find some people who can relate.

I have been writing my novel for some time now, currently I am on 53,000 words. I have been making great progress. For a long time I was in the habit of writing everyday and this has made me see great progress.

My book is a love story. Most events and thoughts of the protagonist are autobiographical to a degree. While writing the book I was in a relationship, one that has since ended. I understand that this isn't a counselling page, but if anyone understands heartbreak then I imagine it's a fellow writer.

Since then, writing the book has been hard. Stirring up once joyful moments for the purpose of writing has now become quite a difficult activity. Recollecting moments in love feels akin to self harm. My productivity has reduced and no matter how hard I try I cannot get back into the same level of inspiration that I once had. I write less. The book I loved writing has now become a burden hangs over me. A reminder of failings.

The personal events in my life have lead to ammendments to the story. I can't decide whether this has been a positive thing yet. I am usually very critical of my own work, but there are many parts of my book where I have felt proud of my work to a level I haven't felt before. I have no doubt this book will be finished and it'll be great. But now I can't figure out the best way to get there.

The point of this message is this. Has anyone ever had anything similar? Have you written about something or someone personal and then has that relationship change? Have you become a completely different person during the course of writing your story? How do you find the best way to keep pushing through?

Even if there is no answer to this, which I am well aware could be the outcome. Anyone who can relate and have nothing more constructive to say than "I understand but I don't know", well that is perfectly fine. Welcomed. I would just like to be seen by a fellow writer who can tell me there I have stood in my shoes.

[Ezri]

You remind me of a fried whose situation was different to yours in that it wasn't his heart that was broken, but his back. He was half-way through writing his adventure thriller, which was also part autobiographical, when he had an accident and ended up learning to walk again. Though pretty philosophical about it and grateful to be alive, he told me writing the book was harder than physio. All the changes had affected his writing and reminiscing about past exploits to use as story fodder was more difficult than he thought. When you're writing about real past events, any big changes in the present are bound to effect the work to some degree. What he needed - and maybe you do, too - was time to adjust. He spent time working on some other ideas and returned to his thriller once he was used to his new reality. Writing a love story after a break up is, arguably, unhealthy. It might be good therapy for some, but if you're struggling for inspiration and it's affecting your productivity, it might be better to take a break from it. Write something else for a while, pour out your heartbreak, go really dark, or write something fun, whatever works to keep your writing mojo going.

You can return to your main project once you've adjusted and are feeling better. No idea if that helps, I'm a crap therapist, but basically, I'm just trying to say it's ok to take some time out and do something else for a while.

[Lance]

I have my dna in every character I write. There are about 100 characters in my first book series and each one carries a piece of me, but none carry all of me.

If you are writing fiction, then write fiction, even if your real life is entwined into the book.

Maybe your main character gets back together with the girl or the breakup never happens.

If your writing an autobiography then it’s different of course.

Good luck to you.

[Karen]

When I’m mad at my husband of 43 years it’s very hard to write love scenes. We live together so it’s hard to get past it until we make up. Maybe watching some of your favorite romantic movies will get you back in the spirit, but until you make peace with the split you may continue to find it hard to get past this. I haven’t had a breakup since before I was married, but if age has taught me anything, then I hope that it’s if someone isn’t meant to be mine then I will let them go gladly and be open to finding someone who wants to be with me. Hope this helps.

[Laura]

I put pieces of myself and people I know in all my novels. My third book is based on a real-life conversation that never materialized, and one of the guys and I ended up in an emotionally abusive friendship. That was hard to write about. But it helped me process my feelings. Making he and I characters made it easier to write about.

[Wendy]

I have written RL into a story before, but it has always been cathartic for me. But, I had already healed from the experience, which seems to be different from your situation. If you can continue to write while you feel this way, you may be able to find a way to say things that really touched someone else. I hope you can find joy again in writing your story, because stories are powerful. The one you write may be the one that helps someone else get through tough times of their own.

[Elaine]

Only thing I could suggest is to have the relationship break up in your novel. Write about the heartache for a while. They can still get back together in the end. Might help.