This is the new pitch for my post-apocalypse fantasy novel

[Guest]

“Aurra, Mother of Creation, is dying. In order to preserve her power and keep it away from those who would take it for themselves, Aurra hides her power and bestows a piece of it upon her chosen host: Jenn, a survivor in Manhattan. Now able to wield the power of a dying god, Jenn finds herself running for her life from Aaleex, the leader of the shadowed creatures that rule the Earth. Jenn must learn to master her new abilities and find Aurra’s missing pieces before Aaleex finds her and uses the power for himself.”

[Andre]

yeah, add a bit more intrigue/connection about the shard of glass - I'm hoping its not just a random magical gift but something that ties into the story and backstory somehow...

[Megan]

I agree you should say what the power is.

[Evie]

Interesting premise!

I think for a follow up to "tell me more" this is more what you want.

I'd go with something more like: A young woman in dystopian Manhattan escapes the creatures who have taken over the city only to end up with an unimaginable power that forces her to go on the run.

character/setting/gmc

also, too long and you start worrying about remembering it all

[William]

Tell me something about the new power? I don’t find myself all that drawn in

[Wendy]

In order to survive a ruined Manhattan ruled by darkness, Jenn ventures beyond the city and stumbles upon a shard of glowing glass that grants her an unimaginable new power. Jenn must master her newfound ability before the creatures ruling Earth find her first.

[Anna]

You use the word "power" three times. It is unclear what Jenn the survivor has survived. If Jenn is the main character, tell us more about her.

[Ivonne]

It's a bit too explanatory vs storytelling. What's really missing for me is... why should I care? There's no relatability.