My husband and I make £500 sometime £600 per day as contractors. But the issue I have is he expects 50/50 when we both work which I have no problem with... the problem is when he is out of contract, he expects and wants me to pay 100% of the bills... but when I am out of work, he still expects 50/50 and never help or support me financially but relies on me heavily to help him financially when he is out of work.
It's making me have so much resentment for him. I feel very drained and I get scared that I have noone to run to for support if I go broke but he always knows I am there to support him when he is broke... I will not feel this resentment if he is there for me when he has money... But he is never there for me financially.
My husband and I – I feel used and abused financially
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Vicky
I had a similar husband. Had lol very much ex husband 
You didn't say if you have children, so my advice is 50/50 all the way, if he expects to be out of contract he should be putting money aside for those times, being more organised when a contract comes to an end and be sourcing a new contract ready, or join a consultancy where the work is more consistent.
You didn't say if you have children, so my advice is 50/50 all the way, if he expects to be out of contract he should be putting money aside for those times, being more organised when a contract comes to an end and be sourcing a new contract ready, or join a consultancy where the work is more consistent.-
Sandra
If you both work for only half of the year you will have a household income of £180,000 before tax.
If one or the other is sometimes without money, then I think there's more to be discussed than his seemingly unfair treatment. I would get to the bottom of how two very high earners (earning twice as much as some surgeons) are ending up without money.
Good luck with it, I hope you get it sorted x
If one or the other is sometimes without money, then I think there's more to be discussed than his seemingly unfair treatment. I would get to the bottom of how two very high earners (earning twice as much as some surgeons) are ending up without money.
Good luck with it, I hope you get it sorted x
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Kirsten
Start putting money away in an account just for you, incase you need to fall back on it, there's some good money there at the moment may not always be like that.
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Angela
It needs to be all out or all in financially or this resentment will spread . So joint bills account where you put equal in to cover dry work periods for either person or Everyman for himself but stop bailing him if he doesn’t do it for you.
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Sue
it's time to be assertive, know your own worth and sit him down for a calm conversation. tell him how unfair his actions are and that you are not prepared to accept the conditions he's placing ion the relationship. tell him clearly how it makes you feel.... explain how unfair it is and you deserve equality in all aspects of your relationship.
If he can't see his way to appreciate your view then explain that in future, you will contribute your 50% and no more... and you will have to seriously consider your future, as your mental well being and happiness are being affected by his selfishness.
If he can't see his way to appreciate your view then explain that in future, you will contribute your 50% and no more... and you will have to seriously consider your future, as your mental well being and happiness are being affected by his selfishness.
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Wendy
I never understood why husband and wife have to do this 50/50 thing.. It’s more like roommates than married couples. Husband and I both work full time in finance, but he makes 10 times more than me. I ll never be able to catch up with him or afford to do 50/50 with him, he pays for anything and everything and have extra, I save up all mine towards trips and retirements. I don’t know if you have kids? If he treats you like that now, imagine how he will treat you when you have kids, you will still be expected to do 50/50 and all the kids duties?
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Caroline
I never comment on these things but these comments are not really fair.
Unfortunately sometimes it’s out of our hands and people let things happen as they want a easy life. Which is what everyone should have.
I was in an abusive relationship for 14 years very similar never helped me financially but expected it when he needed it.
I stuck around as I thought it was normal.
Year later and I know it’s not.
Member I hope you read this and if you want to chat please message me sometimes it helps to speak to someone that doesn’t know you both.
Good luck xx
Unfortunately sometimes it’s out of our hands and people let things happen as they want a easy life. Which is what everyone should have.
I was in an abusive relationship for 14 years very similar never helped me financially but expected it when he needed it.
I stuck around as I thought it was normal.
Year later and I know it’s not.
Member I hope you read this and if you want to chat please message me sometimes it helps to speak to someone that doesn’t know you both.
Good luck xx
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Teresa
I can't understand why married couples have to have everything split, all income should be put into the pot, when all bills, mortgage/rent paid, shopping ect then spending money for both at equal amounts.
Keeping your own wages and paying this that and the other is like not trusting each other, if there's no trust in a marriage then you know what happens.
Keeping your own wages and paying this that and the other is like not trusting each other, if there's no trust in a marriage then you know what happens.
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Gemma
I’ve been in this situation. You are right it is financial abuse. My ex never helped with the kids, always expected me to pay for everything to the point I was skint but he was earning double what I was and kept it all to himself to spend on things that HE wanted. It crippled me and I ended up losing my home which he blamed me for. Sort of a blessing in disguise really as I left with the kids expected nothing of him and got exactly that, nothing!
We are so much happier. Yes we struggle sometimes but I will never quit and I will never be put in that situation again.
Looking back I know I was stupid to stay but I thought I was doing the right thing. We tried marriage counselling but that soon ended when even the councillor told me there was no helping a man who always thought he was right. Resentment grows very quickly and is not healthy for your mental health.
Anonymous member please if you need to chat reach out my inbox is open -- you are never ever alone remember that x
We are so much happier. Yes we struggle sometimes but I will never quit and I will never be put in that situation again.
Looking back I know I was stupid to stay but I thought I was doing the right thing. We tried marriage counselling but that soon ended when even the councillor told me there was no helping a man who always thought he was right. Resentment grows very quickly and is not healthy for your mental health.
Anonymous member please if you need to chat reach out my inbox is open -- you are never ever alone remember that x
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Fran
Get ya big girl pants on and tell them enough is enough if your not supported in you the way you do them then there will be big changes.
Get a separate bank account and both put the same amount in for your bills and a bit extra for the times that you both come out of contract or whatever and it has to stay 50/50.
They is using and abusing but what is good for the goose maybe you should do the same when you are out of contract. Put ya foot down xx
Get a separate bank account and both put the same amount in for your bills and a bit extra for the times that you both come out of contract or whatever and it has to stay 50/50.
They is using and abusing but what is good for the goose maybe you should do the same when you are out of contract. Put ya foot down xx
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Michaela
He's doing it because you are allowing him to do it. Each time you bail him out financially, you're just reinforcing HIS rules, therefore you allow him to do it. He's abusing you financially, is he abusing you in other ways too.
Maybe you can't see it.
I'd have one last talk with him and agree putting a set amount away for "lean" times when one of you isn't working, and if he's not willing to compromise and save for lean times when one of you isn't working, then I really think you need to reevaluate your situation. A marriage is 50/50 not you give all and he takes all.
Maybe you can't see it.
I'd have one last talk with him and agree putting a set amount away for "lean" times when one of you isn't working, and if he's not willing to compromise and save for lean times when one of you isn't working, then I really think you need to reevaluate your situation. A marriage is 50/50 not you give all and he takes all.
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Jessica
You need to have a secret savings account. This is the only way forward that if the time does come you’ve got that to get away.
I’m sorry to say but this is domestic abuse. There is so much support out there, please don’t worry you’re not alone x
I’m sorry to say but this is domestic abuse. There is so much support out there, please don’t worry you’re not alone x
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Shabina Bi-Baroo
I'm sorry but that's a major red flag. Marriage should be a partnership in everything. If he won't give you 50% then neither do you. Tell him straight and if he's got an issue then cut and run now rather than prolong the process. Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear but no one can protect you if you won't!
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Michelle
I'm quite old fashioned so this may not be a popular opinion but in my eyes unless it's classed as "our money" I wouldn't feel like we were in a truly equal committed relationship regardless of marriage or not.
This is even worse than that though, this is financial control and bordering on abuse. You need to speak to him about this issue, explain how you feel and what you expect if he wants to maintain the marriage, however, you would need to be prepared to leave him if he doesn't care and carries on anyway.
This is even worse than that though, this is financial control and bordering on abuse. You need to speak to him about this issue, explain how you feel and what you expect if he wants to maintain the marriage, however, you would need to be prepared to leave him if he doesn't care and carries on anyway.
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