Does anybody have any recommendations for books I could maybe read with my small children?

[Guest]

My beautiful mum passed away in the early hours of this morning. She had breast cancer 24 years ago when I was 12 and she was just 41.

She battled it back then with chemo, radiotherapy and a full mastectomy and she won, but it came back six years ago in her bones and after another long fight it was just too much and this morning we had to say goodbye to one another.

I have two small children aged 5 and 7. I have no idea how to tell them without frightening them, especially my daughter who is quite mature and sensitive and was very close to her granny.

Does anybody have any recommendations for books I could maybe read with them that might help? My mum was ever prepared and she suggested last week that maybe I speak to the macmillan nurses at the hospital but of course I said don't be daft I won't need to do that yet,  it was me who was wrong.

I already miss her so much, no matter how long or how little a time we get to spend with those we love it is just never enough, and a mum is irreplaceable

[Alison]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My lovely Mum died in March this year. I told my kids, (aged 9 and 8 and also really close to their Nana) that she was ready to go, that she said to say how much she loved them, then fell asleep in my arms. Mum had a couple of cuddly toys that always sat on the back of her couch. I took them for my kids, saying she wanted them to look after them for her. That was a real comfort to them both, to have something of Nana's to cuddle whenever they wanted to feel close to her. They also liked to think of her being happy, back with Grandad and other family and friends who had gone before. Told them she will always be around us, looking after us.

Kids are sl resilient though. They live in the moment and move on quickly. Mine just remember Nana with happiness now. It's us adults that struggle. Be kind to yourself. Your kids will help YOU!

Sending love to you and your family.

[Claire]

I’m so so sorry. Yes they are irreplaceable and leave a big hole when they leave us. I have no advice for the children, mine was born after mum left us so she has always just known that she is watching over her and loving her from heaven.

I really just wanted to send you the biggest hug and tell you that as insurmountable as everything seems now you will get through it.

Don’t bottle things up and lean on your friends. They love you and will want to help. Your mums love will never leave you. Her advice will always be there within your head. She raised you and installed her values and morals in you. When you need her just listen to what your heart is saying. Remember love never dies, it just changes form but is always there. Sending big big hugs.

[Karen]

My husband died nearly 4yrs ago we had a 5yr old. She knew daddy was going to heaven soon and we made memories and took pictures. It helped massively being able to look back on happy times. She still misses him alot and we talk about him daily. Let school know and ask them to get pastoral care involved, they will work throu books with them. Above all be honest.

[Gemma]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mum to metatastic breast cancer in 2017. My son was 4 & was very close with her. She always said ‘I don’t need material riches, the arms of my kids & Grandkids around me are my jewels’

I’d slept 3 nights on the floor of her hospital bed & she passed at almost 1am. I didn’t drive then so my husband had to put little one in the car & drive the 54 mile to come get me. Little one wanted to kiss her he thought she was asleep but he could also he how upset I was. I explained that as he knows, Grandma was very poorly & her body was just too tired & painful for her to stay but that her spirt/soul has gone to join her Mum/Dad/Sisters in heaven. That she would always be watching over him it’s just that he wouldn’t see her anymore.

I didn’t hide my grief from him. I felt it was important for him to know there’s nothing wrong with grieving. I actually had a counsellor who’d also said that. We looked a photos together & we cried together. Children actually do come through it more quickly than you may think.

I answered any questions he had as honestly as I could for his age in the months that followed.

It’s such a hard time & I'm so sorry for your loss. Be very gentle with yourself. Those early days after losing her feel like a blur to me now, there are things my husband remembers that I don’t because I was in such a fog.

Sending lots of love to you

[Shelley]

The book ‘Water bugs and Dragonflies’ is really helpful when explaining to children at this difficult time.