How do SAHM prepare financially?

[Guest]

I'm a SAHM with 2 children. My husband gives me a small monthly living allowance which I mostly spend on groceries and things for children. I'm finding with the increased costs of everything its just not stretching any ideas to supplement income?

I'm in N.Ireland.

[Sheila]

Food and things for the children shouldn’t come out of an allowance!! It’s a household bill.

[Carmel]

There's lots of good advice here given... like talking to him and asking for more, or even looking to see if you can earn yourself... maybe look at your skills and see if there's something you can do to fit in with children.

My concern also is if the money he gives is used on food and children... what are you getting...do you get new clothes, go out with friends, hair done etc.. because you matter... a clever man knows the wife is the backbone of the house..without it crumbles... your health and happiness..and contentment is vital...

Maybe it's just your terminology..ie allowance... maybe he just hands you money and he's happy to top it up... do let us all know after you have that all important chat...

Don't miss: My husband and I – I feel used and abused financially

[Libbie]

That is now quite rightly considered financial abuse.

Whatever he earns is Family money since you look after the home and children to enable him to be free to work.

He can up the amount or rather share equally or he can do 50/50 with the rest of the responsibilities that come with a family and house to clean and you get something part time.

[Ros]

Tell him it's not the 1950s..you should just be using a joint account and maybe keeping receipts so you can track what is spent?

[Julie]

Good grief I thought I'd gone back two generations there. I assume that you and your husband discuss the family budget together and allocate income fairly between bills and then agree what surplus income will be spent on. A stay-at-home parent doesn't usually sit on their backside all day when raising children, indeed they usually take on the whole of the childrearing/housekeeping/cooking etc. In which case any income earned by the working partner should be joint and several and not one partner giving the other 'spends'.

If the family income is not sufficient to meet outgoings and expenses of the family, then you discuss with your partner how to remedy that. So, they do overtime, take on extra work or, you start considering some work outside of the home yourself to boost income.

If he is not receptive to this sort of discussion, then I'd be questioning what the relationship was all about really. Somebody mentioned financial abuse, and that's exactly what it would be.

[Jessie]

When a member puts up a post, it would be nice if they would come back and be a bit more explanatory. Are they on benefits, have a mortgage and times are really tough?

Reading this post, no one really knows the circumstances as to WHY she has an allowance! Is it coercive control? I know someone who never had any money, or owned a purse all through her marriage, no control over anything financial. It was her other half that controlled money and her. So not really knowing this anonymous members circumstances, we can’t all harp on about her getting a job! There may a reason as to why she can’t. Just wish they would come back and tell us!!

Explore these too: What are some of your favorite frugal/money saving tips?

[Alex]

Can you imagine if this was a man writing this it would be “get a job don’t expect your wife to keep you”.

[Alex]

Speak to your husband about the amount he's giving you and discuss that it's not enough with the increase of everything. I have no idea how much your husband earns so I have no idea if he's already giving you as much as allows with other bill increases. The cost to feed and clothe the family is both your responsibility so discuss how the amount could be increased.

Also, what is a small allowance? £400?

Personally, I use too good to go app and olio for food. vinted for clothes. Saves me loads.

[Angela]

I think this may be people’s interpretation of the word allowance that is getting people riled up? Maybe the husband passes over what they both felt was adequate for her to run the house and he pays all the other bills by direct debit leaving a small amount for himself for clothes travel etc?

[Paula]

Think you need to have a word in your husbands shell.. How is your money distributed? How much pays the bills and how much does he get to himself?

Once all bills are paid including food, any money left over should be shared. In this day and age it cant be any other way.

Don't forget to take a look at: Is £120 food shop too much for 2 adults & 1 child per week?

[Lindsey]

Have you asked him for more or can he not give you any more? When you say small allowance is that because his income doesn't allow him to give you more or is he just tight?! I have used food banks just for a couple of weeks recently. I know it's not ideal and only a short term option but it did help me massively. Is that an option until things get better?

[Michaela]

All these people getting riled because she used the word 'allowance' We're not in the 1950's because (if fiancially viable) women have a choice wether to go out to work or not! I worked until recently and now I'm currently a SAHM...because that suits us as a family!

And I WANTED to! I'm far from ashamed about it! We do have a joint account and I just spend what I need. Not everyone is able to do this though! Some families have a budget of what they can afford on groceries etc... wether they are a stay at home parent or not! Honestly, get a grip people, not everything is coersive and misogynistic!

Would you also like to explore: Have your shopping habits changed during the cost of living crisis?

[Ade]

I was a stay at home mum for 4 years. I got allowance form husband and spent it on kids and food. Sacrificed and not bought anything for myself. How much do you get?

I am in full time job and husband still pays the allowance. He is very traditional.

[Claire]

This was me, I trained as a teaching assistant and have been working at my children’s school. It fits in by with term times apart from the odd staff training day.x

[Elizabeth]

She actually asked for some ideas to make more money for the household I’d say the cost of living has got everyone struggling to make ends meet and chances are she knows their budget is stretched so looking to help out Not too much advice incoming sadly.

[Liddell]

Financial abuse? Not everybody wants the modern way. Clearly he works hard to pay the bills... then gives her money for other stuff on top. Just show him darl on paper that it's not stretching and get him to give you some more. Take him food shopping so he can actually see how much stuff is.

Why are traditional wives treated like they're being abused?

[Laura]

Are the children of school age? Maybe you can get a part time job whilst the kids are in school then you’d only have to pay childcare when they are off or a job around your husbands working hours x

[Karen]

I was in a similar position in the 1990’s my husband as always paid the big bills, I was given money for the food shopping and had my child benefit to pay for non essential items, it did seem difficult but I managed. These were the days before media, internet so I didn’t miss out I guess not knowing what was out there.

[Linda]

just tell him you need more money if you have to then save all the receipts for a week and give them to him- tell him if he can do better then... c'mon love an allowance these days?

My Dad used to give my Mum "housekeeping" not so sure that's the thing these days though judging from the comments above then I think not! get a joint account asap.